I have been challenged a lot this year about this concept of "leaning in". My tendency is to lean back until I can be sure of what is in front of me, what I can do to keep control, and/or what the circumstance might present and if I can succeed in it. But when being faced with this opportunity to publish my first novel (VEILED), I had a choice to make. Do I lean in or lean back into familiar territory?

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of Dr. Phil - however, in that moment I remembered something I heard him say once "how's that working out for ya?". Well... leaning back is not and hasn't really ever worked out great. So against many of the habits I've formed - I leaned in. WHAT!! Yup, I leaned in with no clue where this will lead, nor do I know if it will just be filled with lessons or if there is an actual career at the end of this road. But really does it matter? Does it matter if there is "success" or "failure"? I'm beginning to realize that none of that matters, none of that is the point of all this.

One of my favorite quotes I've come across lately is from Ernest Hemingway: "There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior than your former self". 

Leaning back is keeping a death grip on who I have been... is that what I want? Is that all I want to become in this short life I've been given? 

So how do you "lean in"? You just do!! You wake up one day and realize that life is short, I am not invincible, nor do I need to remain in this false sense of control that I think I've created for myself, gripped by hesitation. Control doesn't belong to me. Leaning in is a leap of faith... enough of the calculating. I can't have something different if I'm not willing to act outside of what's always been.

Those that fulfill more, rather than remain in their monotonous patterns, are not one offs, they are not "other" and I am not "less", so therefore I can fulfill more as well. I can be superior to my former self. I am not a prisoner of my habits, ruts, or my fears. I have to look at my path (not at another's) and own what has been laid out before me. I have been promised that I will be equipped, that I will not be alone, and that I am more than a conqueror.  I needed to wake up and really question what I actually believe. Then I need to make a choice if those promises are TRUE or if they are a LIE. If it is the latter, then by all means I lean back. But if it is the former.... then there is only one choice to make! 

As the King said thousands of years ago "IT IS FINISHED". The work has been done, the first step revealed... now just the choice remains....

I choose to LEAN IN.